It is the end of the line and one of the few things we are never taught to deal with. It takes those around us, quickly like a cold wind or slowly like a flower blooming without the same affect on our heart. It is the conversation of death and how we should approach it.
I have to apologize for my lack of entries as the real world has taken over. A busy end of semester, a full on internship and the news that my partners grandfather had taken a fall. But I come to you with vibes of positivity.
I have never really had to deal with the brunt of death. The idea of losing someone so close. Yet I have always been one person away. My last nana passed away when I was young but I do remember watching my dad break and cry because we lived on the other side of the world and he had never felt so isolated in his life. He showed me that parents do have a threshold and that was too much to bear. My other and close passing with death was when a friend committed suicide. This was heart wrenching. I still to this day do not understand why he did what he did. He was the best friend of the gentleman I was seeing. We weren’t together. I had meet his mother once. The second day I ever met her she was crying over a stove and she was broken. He was silent and crying into his hands surrounded by men who had fallen against walls staring off into the abyss.
So what does happen when you are dealt the card of death? What do you do? What do you talk about?
Jamie’s grandfather passes away on Friday and I was once again left to deal with what was left. What I can tell you as I write this at Jamie’s mum’s house is that men and women do often deal with death differently.
Here is what I have observed in my brief encounters
- Both sexes do either one of these things: become extremely practical, remain the same, emotional.
- At some point you will have to talk about what is going on.
- Tea can do a lot of healing but so can whisky.
- Saying you are sorry can make people angry. Say you are here if you need anything.
- Give everyone time. Time to sit and reflect and time to sit in silence for the process of healing to begin.
- Death takes the filter off many things in life and reveals what is important.
- Men do cry, shake and sob. The do sometimes need a shoulder to nestle into.
- A warm place with friends is a good place to talk about how everyone is feeling.
- Even a year later it still hurts.
- Funerals are also places to celebrate, laugh and smile.
- You will at some point cry.
- Some people cook everything is sight.
- Others will sit and cry.
- People are stronger than they think.
- Sleep. Is. Needed. Always.
- Your memories of the person are your treasure to keep.
- What ever happened they are now at peace.
I will wear a black dress tomorrow and offer my shoulder to those who need it. All suits are ironed and all the details have been made clear.
I write this to tell people that death will have some sort of relationship with you and you will have to deal with it at some point. You are human, strong and you will get through this. I write this saying that each and every death is different. I write this because tomorrow I will watch as we lay to rest a man who I only met once but didn’t give up till the very end. It is without saying that if you ever need to talk I am here. We must be there for one another, death is just a sober reminder of that.