My teeth fell out.

I closed my mouth and that is when the crunch happened. My tongue rippled through my mouth collecting all the shards of broken bone that my body had rejected and spat them out into my hands. I am 21 and these are meant to be permanent. And they are currently sitting in my hand. Then my tongue traced my mouth and found a tooth that had fallen apart and was now sitting as a sharp very tender reminder that I had done this to myself. But then on the other side of my bottom jaw I could taste metal which meant I was bleeding. I walked to the mirror, opened my mouth and gently pulled against my tooth that should be strong in my gum and it lifted. The blood pooled in its place and then trickled into the space where my tongue  sat. The shards of tooth were sitting in my hand and my lips were red with blood. I thought about how much this is going to cost me, that I am meant to have perfect teeth yet right now I am holding bits of them and I can not put them back together. A wave of anxiety rush over me.


Then I woke up. I was staring at a very grey sky and my heart was in my throat. I ran my tongue over my teeth, carefully at first then all at once because they were all there.  I grabbed my dream diary (yes I have one, there is some really strange stuff in there) immediately wrote down what had happen. I grabbed my phone and  googled “broken rotting teeth dream meaning”. Yes I think your dreams mean something and yes I look them up. Sit back down. I know you do to.

Broken teeth:

Implies that aspects of yourself need to be corrected. It may be a metaphor as others can see the problem but you cannot. It could also mean that your mouth is getting yourself in trouble.

Crumbling teeth:

Fear of getting old. Or growing old too quickly.

Spitting out teeth:

Admitting something that you may have held back on that may have or still is causing you stress. 

So I  rolled over in bed and thought about what they hell is my subconscious up to? So I need to correct something, I fear getting old and I have held back of something that is causing me stress; apparently.

I was thinking about a conversation I had yesterday with a gentleman (though he wont call himself that) about some trouble he is going through. I listened and offered some comments but when I was speaking to him I 100% understood his feelings. So I am going to offer this to you and the universe on what we should do.

Currently this lovely chap just cannot be bothered. He is on the most boring roller coaster in the world and right now the ride will not end. The roller coaster is flat. He is going through the motions while others around him seem to be having the time of their life. The question raised consistently was “how do I be happy?”. As simple as that seems you are talking to someone who is doing what he loves on a daily bases. The problem is he can’t seem to catch the ’emotions boat’.

And honestly that is the most terrifying thought. More than teeth falling out.

If you could have it all but not feel a thing.

We were sitting in his car, in the dark waiting when he quietly said to me “I am so close to falling apart and I am scared that if I do I won’t come back together”. He said to me that he was doing and saying things he never done before. Things that are just not him.

That feeling of being on the edge and looking over the drop and thinking, that  is a long way down and there is no way back up from down there. That sicking feeling of being out of control and yet you look like Buddha on the outside.

Yes, you know it. Even if it was for a short period of time or for those endless months. The worst thing for me was knowing that no one could help me. I was on my own and though I knew people would be there for me, they aren’t at 4am when you wake because you can’t help but think you are a failure because you can’t do the one human thing of  feel.

Humans are designed to feel a whole range of emotions and when you can’t do that the isolation is just overwhelming. Nothing like standing in a crowded room and feeling like you want to run away from it all and be alone because these people just piss you off but they are some of your closest friends.

I guess what I am trying to get at is that falling apart is something that must happen to all of us. That you have to be awake at 4am to understand that the city falls asleep at night and that a crowed room can be the worst thing to walk in on.

And my advice for this young man is a quote from C. Joybell C.

I think that we are like stars. Something happens to us to burst open; but when we burst open and think we are dying; we’re actually turning into a supernova. And then when we look at ourselves again, we see that we’re suddenly more beautiful than we were before.

Please believe that falling doesn’t always mean that you wont get back up.

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A pretty sassy 25-year-old​ living in New Zealand.

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