Tinder Stories – He Was The Chosen One

Well here is a story of  why I think I am single.

Lets take a trip back in time and meet Nathan.

Nathan and I had been on a fair few dates and were quite comfortable together. It was safe to say that I knew how he liked to drink his tea and what side of the bed he liked to sleep on.

It’s a long weekend in Auckland and you best believe the day we are specifically looking at is Auckland Anniversary weekend. It is the weekend for Laneway. Which for those of you who don’t know is a singular day festival held in a park in the centre of the city. Creatures seek refuge under trees in the mid day sun and everyone becomes a bit of a pest when the sun goes down.

I am one of those pests on this day and apparently I am also full of ideas. You see Nathan wasn’t coming to Laneway and well that was fine by me at the start of the day because I had my squad. Don’t even try to come at me for using that word because I am pretty sure we are still trying to find out which way is Laneway.

Being the social (media) butterfly that I am you may have seen most of my day on a glorious Instagram story. Behind the scenes I was messaging Nathan as you do. You see I had asked him about half way through the day if he was going out that night or if I could come and stay the night with him. He said that he will get back to me as he was feeling quite tired but he was having a few drinks with his friends.

We all know there is a moment in all hangovers when you want nothing more than for someone to hold you and tell you that you aren’t dying and maybe just maybe see if they can bring you a water. I could feel it in my bones that in about 18 hours I would want to curl up on Nathan’s lap and sleep the next day away in 4 hour slots.

However we are still trying to find which way is Laneway and as the sun sets I realise that I have not heard from Nathan for a while.

So in any logical fashion you know what I did?

Texted him multiple times followed by snap chats and finally two phone calls and you know what I heard?

Absolutely nothing.

And for another 3 hours I forgot my quest to find a burrow to stay the night because I was still figuring out which way was Laneway.

The squad was still holding great form whilst we were watching the Jon Hopkins set when we were all starting to figure out how much gas was in the tank. The group was split, half was ready to go on to town and an adventure. I fell into Camp Snuggle and was calucalting how many steps it was going to take till I was in bed.

The question was who’s bed?

Que Seren’s logical brain kicking into 8th gear.

You see from the festival the next closest place was my best friend Laura’s apartment but 200 metres down the hill was Nathan’s place. You see my logic here.

It was at this moment I announced to the group that I was going to Nathan’s house even though I had not heard from him and in my brain if he wasn’t home I would just go back up the road to Laura’s house or continue on to my own house which was 1 km away.

So I took Gwen and we marched towards home. She had Laura’s key and her phone on loud and I took this moment to confess that I hadn’t heard from Nathan and to my surprise she was in full support of me getting what I want.

“you get those cuddles and if you can’t have them I’ll spoon the shit out of you”

Find friends who support your decisions even when they aren’t the best ones.

Off we went down the hill practically skipping to the entrance which is when I realised that I had forgotten that you can’t even get to the front door of the apartment without being buzzed in.

And in my state do you think I could remember Nathan’s apartment number. Absolutely not.

But what I could remember was that he lived on the ground floor and that only a large  concrete fence stood between me and his place.

With a boost up the wall I was now sitting there in a bralette, high waisted shorts, a bum bag staring right at his bedroom. A pest in her finest form only illuminated by the street lights.

And I couldn’t be more chuffed with myself.

Smug dumb dumb.

I scooted down the wall and knocked on Nathans bedroom. First there was no answer so I knocked again because I didn’t come this far to not be a winner.

A light flicked on and out of his bedroom came Nathan who was just wearing jockeys and incredibly confused as to what the fuck was going on just before midnight.

It was I dumb dumb.

I tapped on the glass with a talon and announced it was me. As if he couldn’t see through the glass and I was some sort of an invisible woman and I asked if I could come in.

Nathan unlocking the door asked if I was okay.

Of course I was okay, I had just gotten everything I wanted and was about 45 seconds away from bed.

Turning around I see Gwen who is now leaning over the short part of the fence between the trees. Saying goodnight and making sure she will be okay for the 200 metre walk back up the hill, Nathan thought I had gone crazy before he managed to spot her as she slipped back into the darkness.

I launched myself inside and immediately wrapping my long gangly arms around Nathan as he rubbed his eyes. He asked me where my top was and I had to tell him that I lost it and if he wanted any more details I would not be able to fill in the blanks.

My last two brain cells were struggling in my brain and we can’t ask much more of them.

He walked me into his bedroom told me to get into bed and pulled me in and told me to go to sleep.

And I did do that but not before giving him a play by play of my epic adventure. Because what is more annoying than a girl showing up to your house and then waking you up but to then keep you awake and overshare in the dark.

What was more amusing for Nathan was that when I finally fell asleep I was twitching a lot. You see in my brain me and my final two brain cells keep falling out of the sky. You know the feeling when you wake up because you are jolting yourself awake. I did that for hours and every single time good guy Nathan would squeeze me and tell me it’s okay.

Got to love when you pick the right guy to keep awake all night and not get angry at you.

You see in my eyes the only the only mistake I made that day was wearing a lingerie bra that clasped up at the front because EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I slightly pushed my boobs together it would pop open.

Which is clearly not the reason I am single.

However other factors that may be influencing why I am single are as follows:

  • Jumping a fence that doesn’t lead to my own house
  • Scaring the living daylights out of a boy I was seeing
  • Keeping him a wake all night
  • Being incredibly clingy the next morning
  • Asking for a t-shirt because ya girl needed to fuck off back up to her best friends house to die a great death but that 200 m walk was not going to be done in a bra alone

The jury is still out as to why I am single but I beginning to get a far clearer picture as to why. If you have any suggestions then please let me know. Its not like I’ve got 4 weeks devoted to personal development on my hands.


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A pretty sassy 25-year-old​ living in New Zealand.

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