What is it like to have a sassy personality?

So I am writing this as I wait for my tan to dry. Its August and Im a pale bitch who needs some sun kissed skin. Now it occurred to me that my Q&A might not be a roaring success cause all you people (sitting there reading this slumped behind your laptops) know me well enough. Well you curious bastards this is what you get and if you don’t like it well then don’t keep reading.

Your still here aren’t ya?

Well, shall we answer the question about being sassy?

Definition:

Sassy 

possessing the attitude of someone endowed with an ungodly amount of cool.

Now more often than not I get told that I am so sassy.

That I have a sassy pony tail (what ever that means)

That my jokes are so sassy (I make terrible jokes)

That I approach life with sass (mmmm k.)

Heres a something that really happened. I had a performance review somewhere and they told me I was too sassy. What does that even translate to? As in how do I walk away from this conversation? Is that a good thing or a bad thing? On the scale of sassiness where do I score? 1 being a weak toddler who just wants a cookie to 10 which is a woman in the middle of a fight presenting information from 2 years ago with specific dates and times. Can you please place me on the scale because I am not dealing with this amount of grey.

Now don’t get me wrong having sass is not wrong. Do what you want with the damn word. I would agree I am sassy but of course always in a good way. I sit here now writing a few shades browner and confused about where the hell this bit of writing is going but alas we must continue.

The best quote that I was given to me by a male who thought he would let me know that I have a sexy bum. Conversation went like this.

I was walking through a super market picking up dinner when suddenly la wild man appears (we were in the tea section)

Man: Damn girl.

Seren: Excuse me?

M: You have a sexy bum.

S: Who asked for your opinion?

M: I thought I would give my input.

S: You thought wrong mate.

M: Im not your mate but I can be?

S: How about you just f**k off back to your shopping?

M: Girl, don’t be like that. You ain’t gonna to get a man like that.

*Seren takes a step forward to said man*

S: You need to get off what ever boat your own. F**k back off to the hole you crawled out off.

You are just a disappointment to society.

M: Calm your tits sassy girl.

*Seren now pointing and raising her voice.

S: I swear to god I will ruin you. If you don’t turn around and continue with your poor tea selection.

*Man makes Pssssh noise and turns around*

LE WILD SEREN FINDS SECURITY

*See man being escorted out of the supermarket.*

Honestly cat calling isn’t okay. BUT THATS ANOTHER DAY KAAAAAAAY.

I couldn’t explain what it is like to be ‘sassy’ but it is apart of me, I guess. The word will probably die out and something else will come to replace it then I will be that but for now I am a sassy 20 year old. But its empowering to know that people almost fear what will come out of your mouth though your a lady. (Sorry Dad about my language.)

Look be who ever you want. Just be a kind human being. Be proud of you. I mean I can poach an egg now and can adult. My life is working out with a touch of sassiness. So I will flick my pony tail and take my sad jokes with me and be fine. Your welcome. From me. XOXO Gossip Goat.

p.s this place is bloody funny.

 http://thesassiestplace.tumblr.com

The 5 Sex Lessons They Don’t Teach You In High School.

So the saga continues.

Lets get in it balls deep. (My jokes are in no way ever going to be funny. We already know this but I will write them out any way cause I am a sassy gal)

Picture theses situations:

1. Talking with a boy about sex. He says “so are you on the pill?” you say “no” and then there is this awkward tension because he hasn’t put two dots together and assumes that the pill is the only contraception. I HAVE HAD THIS SITUATION. Also had the awkward explaining that it (an IUD) looks like a fish hook but is inside me. IN NO TONE CAN YOU MAKE THIS SOUND APPEALING. If your man doesn’t know that there is other contraception out there other than the pill and a condom you should just highlight this moment. Possibly move him along.
2. If you are about to have sex and your man say “do I have to” in regards to wearing a condom. GET UP. Do not say a word and leave. Close the door and delete his number. Yall think I am joking really Im not. Also on this same point you should not have to ask for him to wear a condom. Because the situation of you staring at him and then his dick whilst he takes his 45 second break to do the one thing he HAS to do. Real romantic. There is no if’s or but’s round this one. Goes for both girls and guys.
3. You should be getting an STI check after every sexual partner. BOTH OF YOU. You should have a conversation about when you had one last and it should not be judgemental. It also gives you both peace of mind. If they have never had one, you should highly recommend that they do.
4. You should also have a conversation about what is okay and what isn’t in terms of in the bedroom or outside. You don’t know. This can be as straight forward as a checklist. (There is lots online) Or a game of 40 questions. Know your boundaries and others. You might discover that you both like something but are a little too shy to say.
5. Your sex life should also be private. No one wants to walk in on their significant other talking about your intimate details to other people you don’t know. “She loves it from behind.” *walks in, opens front door* “you can let yourself out.”

These are some of the situations in which you should take action or act upon. What I am trying to say is teach each other many things, maybe it is how to talk about sex or that their behaviour is unacceptable.

Next week we will continue on talking about this stunning topic of sex. Let me know if there is anything you really want me to address and write about. Short and sweet on your Friday night.

A love like this.

I have been asking lately what I should write my blog about and a lovely creature called Renee told me to write about Dance.

Like that thing in my life. That I am studying. Yaaaass that thing. That Big ‘O Topic.

I don’t know why I have never written about dancing. It has shaped every part of my life for the past three years. I guess I find it a very sacred and special topic for me and I don’t want to be shot down for talking about it.

Heres the thing. I love what I do. Honestly. I love it. Heart and soul. Outside skin to heart. All of me. Dancing, its the damn best thing. Now you may be a student who is studying science or law or social studies. Well Done. Good on you. The world needs people like you. The country needs people like you. I am not being rude or nasty but I am thankful you exist. You might be a mother who takes care of her children. Go you, you educated them everyday without knowing and have the best anger management that even money cannot buy. You might be a guy working in retail. Shout out to you. You have a calm exterior and know where everything is.

But I am a Dancer. Yes I am an artist too. I am an advocate. I am more than you could ever think of. What I ask of you is respect. Do what I have been taught to do in this society and to respect me for the job that I DO. I create art. And guess what I BLOODY LOVE IT. 

I am never going to call myself lucky. ‘Lucky to do what I do.’ I am brave. Yes brave. So do not shoot me down.

I work part time in the hospitality sector because study link doesn’t cover my rent or the food I eat. I have work part time for three years. I work part time whilst studying full time. Now the one thing I can tell you is that people like to talk and chat and give an opinion. Often I get asked what I do other than my job and I say ‘study’. This is how the conversation flows.

Customer: So what do you study?

Me: A Bachelor of Dance Studies at the University of Auckland.

C: Oh wow, what sort of dancing do you do?

M: Mostly contemporary.

C: Do you like it?

M: Absolutely. I love it. (Thinks in head, why else would I spend 20,000 on it??) 

C: You look like a dancer. So what do you actually do during the day? 

M: I don’t roll around on the floor all day. Its half practical. 

C: So where can you go with it all??

M: I could get my PhD if I wanted to but the industry needs me so I must go to them. So I might do that later. 

(I then leave to do my part time job which they think will be my full time job because its dance.)

What hurts the most about this conversation is the raised eyebrows when I drop the line of what I do. You know as someone who studies human movement staring into someones eyes with raised eyebrows when they tell you that they are achieving their dream hurts. Remember that.

So why am I writing this? I am here to answer some questions. By giving answers I am hoping to remove the stigmatisms.

Let us begin and dive into this stunning life I have.

What do I study?

• Contemporary technique (Stage 1,2,3)
• Kapa Haka and Theory
• Pacific Dance and Theory
• Dance Education
• Dance History and Context
• Kinesiology and Somatics
• Dance Choreography (Stage 1,2,3)
• Dance Writing
• Dance Interplidiscnary
• Stretch and Conditioning
• Community Dance
• Safe Dance Practice
• Psychology 109G
• Anthropology 106G
• Dance and Technology
• Professional Practices

I have missed a couple I am sure but these are paper I have taken and/or taking.

Every single paper has a written form to it. Whether it be a 2500 word essay, lesson plans, Pecha Kucha (shout of to Sarah Knox for those little devils), injury prevention plans. I write. We write. A lot. What people don’t understand is that dancers are pretty damn good at referencing. APA STYLE ALL DAY EVERY DAY.

What does a normal week consist of for me?

Well that depends.

First semester is normally pretty easy going.

Monday: 3 Hours. Two papers.    Tuesday: 2 hours. One paper.     Wednesday: 4 Hours, Two papers.       Thursday: 5 Hours. Three Papers.      Friday: 2 Hours. One paper.

16 Contact Hours. 8 Outside Hours.

____________________________________________

Second Semester 

Normally the same ish.

16 Contact hours but then theres is this.

Up to 40 hours of dancing. In class, rehearsal, making choreography, in the theater, between classes in corridors because there is not studios.

In second semester my average amount of sleep is 6 hours. 4 hours when we are close to shows.

What do I eat?

Mate. Everything. Different semesters require different diets. First semester is lots of brain food that is slow releasing. Nuts, grains, root veggies. Second semester is carbs. 60% of my diet is carbs. Carbs=Energy. Simple math. No food is the worst torture. Hiss and run away.

Why dance?

I was told by a lovely lady “do what you love, let that be your career.”. It made a lot of sense to me. So I applied to come to Auckland. Where I write to you today.

What’s your back up plan?

Rude to ask. I will always find something to do in this industry. I am apart of a family. Always creating jobs that didn’t exist two years ago. However if I couldn’t do what I loved due to something. Though where there is a will there is a way. I would become a paramedic.

What do you want to do after university? 

Well you might be one of my employers reading this. If so hello. Thank you for being here. And doing what you love too. But I want to create and share. BROAD. But details are for me to know.

What do your parents think of this?

They are incredibly proud. They have always known it would be something creative. They are supportive and since they were the first of their kind (COMPUTERS) I will be the first of my kind to make dance as normal as computers in our everyday lives.

What do you struggle with?

Ignorance. I would like to see you enjoy a world without dance. Without people who make it possible. My own thoughts of being a tall dancer. Always think I am taking way too much room. So I never feel I am dancing to my ‘full’. I am 6ft for your information.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Really I could talk about this all day. I mean I am going to talk about it all life long.

In reality I don’t keep company of those who do not understand what I do.

Its a love like this that is so intoxicating that it cannot be left alone. I keep sipping from this damn cup and I am not going to lie when I say its the best.

If you have any questions about what I do honestly I would love to hear them and help you get some more information. These are my few 1300 words. However this is my passion and career so lets chat and I might even show you a few moves.

You don’t even know.

Today is Tuesday. It is also day two of the first week of uni. Auckland University thinks its a great idea to start so late. I mean its March. You know the third month into the year. But hey we do things differently way up here.

I would like to apologize for not having any recent blog posts. I have been rather blah. And I have been sorting my life out. Plus working. Being short staffed is not a fun time. I can tell you that now. I think I still need to sleep for a month to catch up.

I feel like just chatting to you all as I sit here on the couch. So, how are you? Are you well? (Like you can talk to me) Shall we discuss some things that have pissed me off lately. Shall we list them. I like doing that.

1. People who don’t understand how lucky their situation is. Being the most basic of basic bitches. Please complain, thats what I wanted on my first day of university. A giant black cloud pouring out with rain. Take your weather elsewhere.
2. Swollen glands. Mate, bain of my life. Can I not sound like a man. thank you.
3. Heat. Humidity. Dammit Auckland. STAAAAAPH.
4. People who do not smell themselves being entering into public. Yo, if I can smell you after you have been in an area. Go and deal with yourself. No one finds it sexy. Not in the slightest.

Is anyone else having trouble sleeping? Or are you all counting your sheep? Do you know what is scary is that I turn 21 this year. Jessica in my class said this “20 is such an ugly age”. And now that I think about it. I fully agree. Like what is 20? Icky. What’s worse that 20? Being 20 and engaged. Or married. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? If your news feed is anything like mine, full of babies and marriage. Last night a girl popped on my news feed, now engaged. She was born in 1996. 1996 people. SHES TURNING 19. When I was 18 I had to deal with study link. Not dimond rings. Each to their own. Just not in my 5 year plan. NO ONE GET DOWN ON ONE KNEE, YA HEAR?

You want to know an honest thoughts? I am just going to tell you anyway because you can’t say no. I have no idea what I am writing. Really its all word vomit and you are still reading. Congratulation friend. I really want a terrarium and some flowers. Lillys to sit in my bedroom and smell lovely. I am rather pissed off with one of my friends. Have been for a few months. The guy at the gym judged me for only working out for 30 mins. He doesn’t know I have a major back injury or study dance. He now sees me and comments on how long I work out for.  My mum who reads this blog. (Hey Jenny.) Told me that I missed the boat on my career and thinks I should do this all the time. Writing blogs. I thought with a debt owing to the government I could do both.

Its my last year of University and I am really not sure on whether or not I will do postgraduate studies. I could do my honors. Just a year and be done with it? I don’t know anything anymore. So watch this space.

Bittersweet.

Personally I think there is nothing worse than something that is bittersweet. Nothing seems to make me angry and deep with rage than bittersweet.

I mean the definition of the damn word is a let down:

bittersweet

when something is good but there is a bad part about it

I’m a girl who doesn’t get too angry all the time but some things are just stupid. For example:

• People who label sale items wrong and they are more expensive than written. (You can bully sales people into a better price but don’t be that kid. Retail people hate you for it.)
• Going to the supermarket and they don’t have anything you want. Just the things you are trying to avoid. Regular occurrence in Auckland countdown.
• Getting cheap flights and booking them. Then missing a choreographic workshop because your not allowed to miss the first day. FML. (This may be the point of the article)
• Working valentines day. Hard pass.
• Having uneven eyebrows. Even when you try fix them. Blah blah they are sisters not twins. I WANT TWINS DAMN IT.
• Baking great looking cupcakes. They taste like crap and sit there teasing and laughing at you.

There are many things that are bittersweet. But the list above really just bugs me. Yes I just wrote an article on being thankful. Really it is not ideal. But I shall pull out a saying I rolled around with at the end of high school.

NEGAF: Not even giving a fuck.

I think really I am just a little tired and frustrated. No actually I’m hella frustrated. Not even Beyonce can calm me. I mean give it half an hours and I will be cool calm and collected. I will understand that the sweet out weights the bitter and its nothing a cup of tea and a tequila shot with a dash of laughter can not fix.

WRITING OUT THE POSITIVES.

Freshly painted nails.

Humidity is 57%

It is Friday.

Right, good work team. Great chat. Let me know what is bittersweet for you. Either on here or on Facebook, tumblr or don’t. Thats cool too.

Misleading Daydreaming

So for once Auckland was slightly less warm than usual. Which meant to my flat “The Hot Box” being less hot and all activities being less painful and a lot less sticky. So I was sitting on the bus that was slowing chilling me from the outside in. So for once I was able to day dream and not think about how hot I was. Now I am huge on day dreaming. Could do it all day if it was needed. I mean I even did a choreographic piece on day dreaming. You see I was thinking about how only a select few say thank you to the bus driver when they hop off. So this is how my day dream went, stay with me okay?

Saying thank you to a bus driver

Being thankful.

And thats where it stopped. Long right? I then started to gather all the weird things I am thankful for.

• Polite neighbours with adorable children.
• Headphones.
• Cold weather.
• Cookies and cream ice cream.
• Flat mates who make me laugh.
• Physiotherapy.
• Good banter.
• Swimming in rivers.

Its only fair that I say these are only a few. I suppose that I was thinking about very random things and slightly concentrating on the fact that my physiotherapist had just stuck needles in my butt because thats how you fix a broken Seren.

So I finally made it to the CBD and as I hopped off the bus I said thank you to my bus driver and walked to my apartment entrance. I then thought about how much my life has changed since I first moved away from Nelson (my home town). I thought about how I could never move back for good. Not right now. That I had grown too big for that tiny town. I guess I am thankful I grew up there and now I see the appeal of raising a family there. But thats a long way off. About 10 years.

So be thankful is what I guess I am trying to say. For the weird things. Or at least go and have a day dream.

Will it last you a life time?

The Human Body

I went looking for an ideal body to work towards. I scrolled through Tumblr, Instagram and a few other places and as I was scrolling I thought to myself that these girls were stunning, truly they had worked for their bodies. Now I know that I have a good body but what girl doesn’t want to be a goddess. When I was naively looking I wasn’t searching for envy or “thin-spriation” just some motivation and what I feel I could get.

I got bored and rolled through my news feed and what I saw made me laugh to myself. We will get back to why this made me giggle out loud after I explain a few thing.

1. I am a dancer. I study dance at The University of Auckland.
2. My body is my tool of employment.
3. I don’t treat my body as a temple and I know I should.
4. I have a fast metabolism.
5. My idea of the “ideal body” image has changed.
6. As long as I am healthy then I am happy.

So scrolling through Facebook as I was, there I saw a girl who did my degree. She is fit, strong and happy with her body though she is working on it. (Hence her full body photo as progress shots). Now she was not anything close to my “ideal body”. She was beautiful though. What made me outwardly laugh though was that her body was what she needed for her lifestyle. This gal is active every single day. She eats her greens and she truly treats her body like a temple. She wasn’t thin. She was built, and good on her. I had a moment of realizing that my body wont ever look “ideal”. It honestly wont.

Why?

• My legs are powerful, they have muscles to do a job of taking me through the air.
• My arms have definition. Because they have to carry the weight of myself and someone else sometimes.
• My stomach isn’t dead flat. It doesn’t have abs though either. It is the power station of my control and stability.
• My lungs. Cardio. I have little of. I do not need it. It works its way to be as much as needed per show.
• My feet. Well they have a job to do and there is no point trying to make them pretty when I rip them up everyday.

I have a dancing body. It has a job. I work it to each show, job, contract. What happens between those times is up to my diet and how well my body recovers.

What I now have burnt into the backs of my eyelids is that “you only have one body make it last”. As I write this I am currently on the couch. Confided to this one place. On the 26th of January I did something to my back/nerve/leg/buggered myself. Went to the hospital-yes I did a good job. I have a week of work, two specialist appointments and another doctors appointments. The one thing keeping me from doing all the things; work, dance, run, workout. Is that if I do not take care of my body now I wont have a body to work with for the rest of my life. For a 20 year old, thats PRETTY BIG.

So whilst I sit here and type, think about your actions and if your body will last a life time. Re-think your ‘ideal body’. See what your lifestyle really requires you to look like.

5 things every girl living in the city should be able to do.

Mastering city life can be a little tricky but if you can do these 5 things, then congratulations on being a well established gal.

1.   Be able to go for lunch by herself and not feel embarrassed.  I think that there is nothing sweeter than watching a girl sit in a cafe and just be herself whilst having a coffee and a bagel.
2.  Baking. Straight and simple baking. Coming from a girl from a small town. Filling an apartment full of the smell of brownies. Nothing can compare and make one feel more at home.
3. Your “other hand” nails. I’m right handed and mastering painting my left hand has been one of the greatest challenges.
4. Know when to be delicate and when to be a bad ass. If someone bumps into you on the main street is no reason to cry however if your room mates have not cleaned their dishes in 3 weeks that when you put your foot down. Your not a animal.
5. To live independently from family and friends. No financial help. No constant checking up. No google. To know the answer to a problem without having to ask for help.