The 5 Sex Lessons They Don’t Teach You In High School.

So the saga continues.

Lets get in it balls deep. (My jokes are in no way ever going to be funny. We already know this but I will write them out any way cause I am a sassy gal)

Picture theses situations:

1. Talking with a boy about sex. He says “so are you on the pill?” you say “no” and then there is this awkward tension because he hasn’t put two dots together and assumes that the pill is the only contraception. I HAVE HAD THIS SITUATION. Also had the awkward explaining that it (an IUD) looks like a fish hook but is inside me. IN NO TONE CAN YOU MAKE THIS SOUND APPEALING. If your man doesn’t know that there is other contraception out there other than the pill and a condom you should just highlight this moment. Possibly move him along.
2. If you are about to have sex and your man say “do I have to” in regards to wearing a condom. GET UP. Do not say a word and leave. Close the door and delete his number. Yall think I am joking really Im not. Also on this same point you should not have to ask for him to wear a condom. Because the situation of you staring at him and then his dick whilst he takes his 45 second break to do the one thing he HAS to do. Real romantic. There is no if’s or but’s round this one. Goes for both girls and guys.
3. You should be getting an STI check after every sexual partner. BOTH OF YOU. You should have a conversation about when you had one last and it should not be judgemental. It also gives you both peace of mind. If they have never had one, you should highly recommend that they do.
4. You should also have a conversation about what is okay and what isn’t in terms of in the bedroom or outside. You don’t know. This can be as straight forward as a checklist. (There is lots online) Or a game of 40 questions. Know your boundaries and others. You might discover that you both like something but are a little too shy to say.
5. Your sex life should also be private. No one wants to walk in on their significant other talking about your intimate details to other people you don’t know. “She loves it from behind.” *walks in, opens front door* “you can let yourself out.”

These are some of the situations in which you should take action or act upon. What I am trying to say is teach each other many things, maybe it is how to talk about sex or that their behaviour is unacceptable.

Next week we will continue on talking about this stunning topic of sex. Let me know if there is anything you really want me to address and write about. Short and sweet on your Friday night.

It looks like a ducks bill.

I am going to assume that most girls know what the topic line is about. You can laugh at that. You men can just continue reading. I have just finished writing a 1200 word essay on Frank Ocean and in my deep, panic thoughts my mind was tossing between taboo topics and societies stubbornness not to accept or talk about it.

Sex.

Hehe.

There is many topics that come along with sex and I thought I might do a series on it. Everything from contraception to society’s inability to talk about it. I am just going to start an open discussion. Open a door and leave it jammed there. Letting the information flow. I have to write a disclaimer that I am in no way a doctor or know 100% what I am talking about. I am going to talk about MY experience. Personal and raw I thought it would make for good reading. So if you find yourself thinking about anything I have written and want to know more. I might be able to help but you should go to your doctor because they are the ones who trained their whole life to help you. I am here to let you know that you shouldn’t be afraid of the topic of sex and ALL that comes with it. So shall we start with the topic of contraception. That wee gem.

Also I need to add this, if you read this and find yourself judging me. Close the door, walk away. This little community doesn’t need you. There is no judgment here. Never will be. So if you can’t handle this topic that’s okay. Stop reading. I write this because I received a very concerning email. Anonymously written it told me in great deal that the topics I confront on MY blog are not appropriate for society. Like I have stated before and as I wrote back to that individual. I am thankful for your opinion, it lets me know that people are reading hiddenunderthecovers. If the title of this blog didn’t give it away there is always an exit button. I am no way holding you here against your will, shoving this down your throat. I will bring topics to the masses that I think needs confronting. This is through a personal and not politically correct way. I swear and write how I think. Don’t like it? Click that stunning red button at the top of your screen and go back to where you were before I hurt your feelings.

SO. Contraception.

It should stop you from getting pregnant. Which is what most people are looking for. Babies are cool. I just don’t want them for 10 years thanks.

Where should you start?

Guys. Buy condoms. You can get a prescription for 144 of those bad boys. For $5. You are welcome.

Talk to your doctor. I had the issue that my doctor was someone I went to when I had a cold not when I wanted to have sex. So I went to family planning but in Nelson its called INP (independent nursing practice). Lovely ladies in there. You can just go in and chat with them about anything and ask all that you want. These people careers are based around people having sex. They know what’s up.

What should you consider?

MANY THINGS. When deciding on what you want to do you will be asked a whole bunch of questions. Family health history, sex history, and even period questions!

What am I on?

I was on the pill for a while (years). I had about 7 different types of “the pill” and discovered that my body doesn’t really like extra or blocking hormones. So I went off the pill for 3 months. It took my body 3 months to figure out how to be a body again. But I discovered that because I was on such a high  hormonal dosage I was literally a crazy woman. I had gained weight and turned into this horrible creature. So 90 days later I had lost some of my weight and my thoughts were now clear. What I had been thinking about was the fact that I now needed to get another form of contraception. Either the rod (the little hormonal stick in the inside of your arm) or an IUD (the weird-looking fish-hook that goes in your uterus) and whilst neither of those seemed appealing neither does a baby.

So I got an IUD back in 2012. It last 5 years and it has no hormones and my body and me seem to like one another. Despite my mother protest she doesn’t want another grandchild.

People do ask about what I have. Curious I guess.

Can I feel it? No.

Did it hurt to get? Feels like a cramp and there is slight discomfort but it’s over in 5 minutes.

Do I recommend it? Yes however talk to a doctor because they know what’s best for you.

How long does it last? 5 Years and you can get another one straight after.

What have you noticed since having it? Well I don’t seem to be as fat any more and much less a crazy woman. I also can see a cycle of woman stuff happening.

Downside? Pretty strong cramps. Nothing a heat patch and panadol can’t fix.

Can my boyfriend feel it? No.

Does it cost? Yes I can’t remember how much but under $100 for me. Cheap over 5 years.

How does it work? Foreign body object. The body think my uterus is not a safe place to grow a baby and the copper kills the sperm if there is any breakage with a condom. THIS IS MY INTERPRETATION. There is a hormonal version on the IUD.

Can you feel it? No.

Don’t you become infertile? There has been no conclusive study of this.

What I would really like everyone to know is that talking about contraception does not mean that you are having sex. It is used in all sorts of ways to help with health. It would be really lovely to remove that stigmatism around contraception. It is no longer “birth control” but a choice.

At the end of this week I am going to release another episode from this series (it’s a goodie) and I have to say sorry for not having a blog post for the past two weeks. University has been crazy.

She didn’t. Oh yes she did.

What is the plan?

After attending a show last night which posed very big questions on religion I thought I would share with you all what I ‘believe’ in. What I want all of you to know that as long as you are happy, safe and well then please continue on with your life.

I was brought up my parents with always having an option. I was christened in the Nelson Cathedral in a white dress and shoes to match. I was brought up by my parents to always be thankful. For the food that you are given and they chances you have in life.

My family values I would say now that I am a little bit older are as follows:

• Be honest. Always.
• Be respectful.
• Be happy.
• Hold no secrets.
• Clean up after yourself. (I struggled with this one.)
• Forgive.
• Do not stand for others ignorance.

My mum and dad are two people I can say are aging gracefully. Falling back into their youth one day at a time now that they have an empty nest. Skyping them I have to be an adult. My father has found many ways to make my mother cry with laughter and being 504km away its hard not to miss them. Without fail they tell me they love me and they always ask me if I am happy.

Growing up my parents didn’t take me to church. However I have been many of times with my sister to see what the fuss is all about. I can say it just wasn’t for me.

Though we weren’t a family at church we had our own beliefs. If it was meant to be then its meant to be.

I may only be 20 but I have come to understand that there will always be someone who will disagree with you. I attended a college which had some religious aspects but all in all my home town is not deeply religious. However when I moved to Auckland I found that a lot of people are religious. I live in a city where attending some sort of church is normal and I am a minority since I do not practice a faith.

During O-week I was stopped by two individuals who wanted to speak about Jesus Christ. I didn’t have any where to be so I listened. After they were done they said “what do you believe in?”

Simply I said: “the universe has a plan for me, I just won’t know till the end.”

So now you are asking yourself what the front door is this girl on about.

Here is what I think about most things:

1. we are all born equal. we all die equal.
2. if you respect me then I will respect you.
3. there are second chances if you know you did wrong the first time.
4. stand up for who you are. there is no one else who will care for you  as much as you.
5. just because something scares you does not make it wrong.

My news feed is full of everything. “God answers parents prayers” “A buddhist monk could still be alive because his body was found in the lotus position” “Test tube babies are the future.” “Vaccines are not longer the answer but they problem.” “Where will your God be when global warming hits?” Scroll, scroll, scroll.

Have an educated opinion please. That is all I ask.

You are worth that much. At least.

So no I don’t believe in any god. I believe that there is some sort of plan. A series of events that will make your life. My faith lies with me. Only I can make changes that I want to. For that I am thankful.

Thankful that I am a Powell-Jones. Just little me. With gangly legs and arms. Maybe I was a gazelle in another life.

How to get over your ex boyfriend.

Ah what a topic. Like a burn and a paper cut rolled into one. An ex-boyfriend is weird. The whole idea that you go from being fully committed to someone, knowing who they are and what they are doing to strangers in a week.

Now if I ever have children, I hope that they are strong enough to get through heartbreak and all that comes with it.

I was talking to a friend of mine about a week ago when he asked me “how much do you think you have changed?” I was walking home and standing at the lights I personally didn’t think I had changed that much. But thats the thing. I had changed. If not changed then grown. When I met this young man I was completely broken. Whole heartly ruined. I was heartbroken.

I was 17. Young and eager. I went from being a girl who was happy to being a dark energy going through the motions. When this young man met me he saw me go from my worst to the woman I am today. He said to me that I was “a girl dangerously close to throwing it all away.” And I was. Thats the thing about being 17 and in love. There is not point in which you say to yourself to stop giving. You pour your life and soul into someone else without thinking and when it all ends you can only say it was half your fault because you couldn’t stop yourself. You fed a demon called a relationship until you ran out of whatever it ate and it all fell apart. So where do you go from there? You are broken, empty and well shit, you just want to sleep for forever.

This is what I suggest. No matter how it ended.

1. Take a nap. Lie the heck down and curl up for a few hours.
2. Turn your phone off. The world will be there when you come back.
3. Cry your eyes out. This won’t take much. Place cold flannel on eyes. Thank me later.
4. If you ended the relationship remind yourself why. You made this decision for a reason.
5. If the other party ended the relationship then remind yourself that it wasn’t meant to be and the universe has a much bigger and better plan for you than him.
6. Take a long shower. Not a bath.
7. Find an animal. Cats are great but anything that you like. Could be a bearded dragon. You don’t know.
8. DO NOT GET ANGRY. This will not help.
9. Take some deep breaths.
10. Make a cup of tea. You won’t feel like eating.
11. Tell your parent. By simply saying “Me and _____ are over and I would really just like a hug.”
12. Tell your parent that you are not ready to talk about it if your not. You will just get angry at their questions.
13. Make a nest. Blankets and tissues.
14. Then clean your room. Its like hitting reset on something in your life.
15. Contact a friend and let them do what they do best and be there for you.
16. Have some alone time but not at 3am.
17. You might not sleep so write what you are thinking about.
18. Go on facebook and do the deed of ending the relationship. Make this unseen. Don’t be that girl.
19. Do not talk to other person for a few days. See that you can survive without them.
20. Go out on a big walk with your friend. The wild does wonders.

Look I have been through all the motions and it bloody hurts. And the one piece of advice I can give you is to give time, time. Nothing is going to make it go quicker. You just have to keep going and you can do that. You do not need them to live. What I also must tell you is that there is no ‘moment’ when you get over an ex. For every single person it is different. It may just be a day you didn’t think about them or no emotion towards them. There is two things that no one told me when I was 15 and about to have a serious relationship for the first time. 1. you will leave a bit of you with them and you can never gain it back. 2. you won’t give yourself to wholeheartedly to another person until they deserve you.

May I leave you with telling you that you are amazing. That you exist because you are the perfect distance from the sun with a body that has a beating heart and working functions. You are more than you could ever know and this will not hold you back.

From a mother duck to her ducklings. I am here if you need me.