Ah what a topic. Like a burn and a paper cut rolled into one. An ex-boyfriend is weird. The whole idea that you go from being fully committed to someone, knowing who they are and what they are doing to strangers in a week.
Now if I ever have children, I hope that they are strong enough to get through heartbreak and all that comes with it.
I was talking to a friend of mine about a week ago when he asked me “how much do you think you have changed?” I was walking home and standing at the lights I personally didn’t think I had changed that much. But thats the thing. I had changed. If not changed then grown. When I met this young man I was completely broken. Whole heartly ruined. I was heartbroken.
I was 17. Young and eager. I went from being a girl who was happy to being a dark energy going through the motions. When this young man met me he saw me go from my worst to the woman I am today. He said to me that I was “a girl dangerously close to throwing it all away.” And I was. Thats the thing about being 17 and in love. There is not point in which you say to yourself to stop giving. You pour your life and soul into someone else without thinking and when it all ends you can only say it was half your fault because you couldn’t stop yourself. You fed a demon called a relationship until you ran out of whatever it ate and it all fell apart. So where do you go from there? You are broken, empty and well shit, you just want to sleep for forever.
This is what I suggest. No matter how it ended.
- Take a nap. Lie the heck down and curl up for a few hours.
- Turn your phone off. The world will be there when you come back.
- Cry your eyes out. This won’t take much. Place cold flannel on eyes. Thank me later.
- If you ended the relationship remind yourself why. You made this decision for a reason.
- If the other party ended the relationship then remind yourself that it wasn’t meant to be and the universe has a much bigger and better plan for you than him.
- Take a long shower. Not a bath.
- Find an animal. Cats are great but anything that you like. Could be a bearded dragon. You don’t know.
- DO NOT GET ANGRY. This will not help.
- Take some deep breaths.
- Make a cup of tea. You won’t feel like eating.
- Tell your parent. By simply saying “Me and _____ are over and I would really just like a hug.”
- Tell your parent that you are not ready to talk about it if your not. You will just get angry at their questions.
- Make a nest. Blankets and tissues.
- Then clean your room. Its like hitting reset on something in your life.
- Contact a friend and let them do what they do best and be there for you.
- Have some alone time but not at 3am.
- You might not sleep so write what you are thinking about.
- Go on facebook and do the deed of ending the relationship. Make this unseen. Don’t be that girl.
- Do not talk to other person for a few days. See that you can survive without them.
- Go out on a big walk with your friend. The wild does wonders.
Look I have been through all the motions and it bloody hurts. And the one piece of advice I can give you is to give time, time. Nothing is going to make it go quicker. You just have to keep going and you can do that. You do not need them to live. What I also must tell you is that there is no ‘moment’ when you get over an ex. For every single person it is different. It may just be a day you didn’t think about them or no emotion towards them. There is two things that no one told me when I was 15 and about to have a serious relationship for the first time. 1. you will leave a bit of you with them and you can never gain it back. 2. you won’t give yourself to wholeheartedly to another person until they deserve you.
May I leave you with telling you that you are amazing. That you exist because you are the perfect distance from the sun with a body that has a beating heart and working functions. You are more than you could ever know and this will not hold you back.
From a mother duck to her ducklings. I am here if you need me.
Hidden Under The Covers 